I Admit Defeat...

…since nobody else will. It seams everybody has won this election. Everybody is celebrating something. Most seats in parliament, best result ever, not the worst result ever, entering parliament, strong negotiation position, most successful campaign, prettiest smile. Some partied all night at the news of victory for the radicals while others rejoice at the triumph of the democratic block.

Well I’m not celebrating. I’m not happy with the results. They are no far from what I expected, but I was, sort of, hoping for a miracle.

I’m shocked that the socialists still manage to get voted into parliament. Haven’t their supporters learned anything, or gone over to the radicals, or, at least died of old age, cold and starvation? I’m sad that people are dumb enough to buy into radical rhetoric. I know many are poor but you don’t buy an IQ! “The democratic block” is a myth. I’m disappointed that the democrats and liberals didn’t get more votes and I absolutely still don’t understand why on Earth anyone would vote for dss and their coalition partners. Just vote for ds or admit you’re a radical and shut up!

The Rest is Silence

Finally, after months of unscrupulous promises of instant prosperity, the commercial breaks today are once again dominated by laundry detergents and banks. A pre-electoral calm before the storm is upon Serbia.

Today is the day of epiphany. The story goes that at midnight the sky opens up and you make a wish. Now, I’m not religious or even a believer, but I find this particular superstition rather cute, like blowing out candles on your birthday cake. And since it’s a day for making wishes, I thought I might wish something to my compatriots:

I wish us a dss free government. I wish that the radicals, dss, sps and the like do not get a total of 50% of the votes. I then wish the remaining parties - the democrats and liberals and the minorities form a government which would have a civilized and contemporary set of values and in which ds could abandon its passive policies of cohabitation and do some real and badly needed work on changing the essence of this country. I wish…

So have a great Sunday and beyond. It depends on us.

2007

By the middle of the first work week of 2007, the new year has been quite obviously setting the tone of things to come. The gorgeous spring-like weather echoes the promises of the hottest year in recorded history

At work it’s hectic and busy which is a welcome change from last year which was slow, uneventful and relatively unsuccessful (although it gave me time to start my blog). One of my colleagues, that I was quite close with, has left the company which is sad. After three years of seeing someone every day, it’s a bit unsettling when things change. On the other hand, in the year when I hope to leave everyone I know behind and move to another continent, I shouldn’t get too worked up about these things.

With this in mind, I’m up to my neck in bureaucracy and to do lists. Hopefully by the middle of March I will know where I stand. If by the middle of March I stand in the right place, hopefully by late August, Ivan and I will be in New York again.

And I can hardly wait. In Serbia, another “milestone” election is around the corner. So much to be lost. Not as much to be gained. Once again “this” year could be decisive. Once again I’m afraid it won’t be.

For me at least, this will be a big year. Huge.
All the best, everyone.

Sex and the City

We’ve been planing to see this film for a month, but always ended up saying “Ah, we’ll see it tomorrow”. Finally, yesterday it just felt like it was the right time to see it. Even trekking through the mushy snow and the thought of uncomfortable wicker chairs and cigarette smoke in Akademija 28 café-cinema didn’t seem like too much to handle. And good thing too, as it turned out to be the last day of screening. It would have been a real shame to miss it. I think Shortbus is a beautiful film.
Although there’s more explicit sex then I’ve ever seen outside of porn, I don’t see this film as pornographic. Pornography is simply supposed to arouse physically whereas this is a positive and emotional film with a warm and deeper message.
In fact, most of the sex takes place at the very beginning, in a way to get it over with and then deal with the really important issues. What I saw was a simple and honest film showing how people are obsessed with imaginary problems or real problems which they blow out of proportion, how they overcomplicate things when life is in fact simple and beautiful if we just relax and see what is good around us. And it is a film about love, which is not always easy but is always the best solution.
The actors seem genuine, and today after reading about the film and the years of workshops and preparations I realize why, and really respect their efforts. The music is wonderful especially the final song with which the film ends in a scene of cathartic liberation, bursting with happiness.
The incredible animation linking the scenes reminded me of my own little New York. And New York is such an important part of the film. The film echoes so much of my own view of the city. And before someone asks “What on earth did you do there?” I don’t mean literally but the energy and vibrancy and some sort of creative insanity.
Having said that, parts 2 and on of my American impressions will follow soon, I promise. Don’t give up on me yet

The CSs and the Cs

There are two types of people that really annoy me. I don’t know whether they exist anywhere else in the word, but they are particularly abundant in the proximity of any form of Belgrade’s public transportation. Let’s call them the Conversation-Starters and the Commentators. They are closely related and quite similar. They can be both male and female, and 40-something and up.

The first, less aggressive “species” is characterized by a desperate desire to communicate with anyone about anything as soon as they are left idle for more than 1 minute in any situation involving waiting for or driving on a bus/tram/trolley. Usually they let out a recognizable sigh, deep exhale or pant, before making a general comment about oh, well anything, really, in the hope of drawing some unsuspecting victim into a pointless conversation. Fortunately it usually happens to be another conversation-starter, so the worst thing that can happen to the rest of us is to be bored senseless.

The second has a similar tactic but with the aim of spreading negative energy and/or picking a fight. They hope that a comment will force an annoyed fellow passenger to reply which could start an argument, which helps their commute just fly by. Their field of interest is quite narrow and usually revolves around more liberal factions in politics and young people in general.

I am no stranger to getting up for people on public transportation. But, I draw the line on old people, people with disabilities, pregnant women and people with small children. I have no intention of getting up for strapping forty-five-year-old women who look like they could pluck my arm out with two fingers. Well, maybe if they ask me nicely. On the trolley on Friday, this burly woman started her soliloquy about how “children” have no manners, do nothing, and spend all day running around in school or playing games on their computers and then do not have the decency to get up on the bus. Lady, maybe this “child” had a tough week at work, so just go away, but thank you for noticing my boyish good looks.

So, How Was It? part 1

The habit of writing seems to be one that is hard to establish but so easy to loose. Having recovered from my organism’s complete refusal to accept its original time zone, from getting back to work, and from going through 3 CDs of New York photographs with every single person I know, it’s high time to return to my badly neglected blog.

It makes no sense anymore to recount in detail our activities during the trip, as I failed to do more than just scribble a few words in my notebook the whole time we were in the US. So I will try instead to write about my impressions and observations and make some comparisons between here and there (this might take some time).

Although most of it was tourism and pure fun, these two weeks were very important to us in a more substantial way. After we decided, due to a fortunate turn of events last year, to move (at least for a while) to NY, we needed, in a sense, to verify our decision, and see how feasible and realistic our choice was. So how does it all seem now? After all, America is supposed to be the land of opportunity.

And in my view, it is. I like America. A lot.

Before I elaborate, it is probably time for a little disclaimer: I understand New York is not America. The US is more than a country, it’s practically a continent. Even within smaller countries, differences between various parts are huge. London is quite unlike other parts of England I’ve seen. Belgrade has little in common with Serbia proper. Besides, how much can you really experience in two weeks? Tourism is not real life. It covers only the most pleasant a city/country has to offer.

On the other hand, I have to admit I’ve had some prejudice when it comes to America, especially as a potential residence. All our lives we are bombarded with stories of America as an inferior, wannabe Europe, a land of racist fat people who eat junk-food and drive to their own mailbox. I knew that was not true, and I’ve heard many wonderful things as well, but on some level I was burdened by it.

As I said, I really like America…

to be continued...

Jet Lag

Back in Belgrade. Back at work. Back on the web.
Disoriented, late for work, exhausted and excited, happy and depressed.
New York was all I expected it to be and more. Big, fast and chaotic, but nevertheless warm, charming and friendly. The history of cinematography has really done it justice and I fully understand what makes this place the center of the world.
To the people who have been visiting this page, I apologize for not posting. The internet connection at our friend’s house in NY failed. Admittedly it was also a perfect excuse to not spend time in front of a computer without feeling guilty.
I’m glad to be able to see family and friends, but Belgrade looks so tiny and unimpressive. I realized the best whay to beat jet lag would have been not to stay.

First Impressions

Running around these last few days I just couldn’t find time to sit down and organize my thoughts. It is a rainy midday in New York City and here’s a, hopefully, short recap the first few DKNY days.
I really love it here. I somehow knew I would. On Friday coming back from work, I stepped of a stranded trolleybus in the middle of Slavija circle. The first snow caused Belgrade’s traffic system to collapse, but as I headed home on foot, cold and wet, past angry, cursing drivers I nevertheless had a huge grin on my face. I just couldn’t wait to come.
Appropriately for traveling to the city that never sleeps, we didn't get any rest in the 30 hour day that took us from Belgrade to New York. After finishing packing very late and only a few hours of restless sleeping, we got up before dawn to get a cab to the airport. Appropriately, the Scissor Sisters were playing happily on the radio. A short delay, one aerial view of the Eiffel tower in the mist, several plastic-wrapped meals and an ocean later, we landed. Oh, again appropriately, the in-flight movie was the Devil wears Prada.
First impressions were a bit strange, though. After the architectural splendor of Charles De Gaulle, JFK seemed gray and drab. The long line of tired and nervous travelers waiting to give their fingerprints didn’t really improve the atmosphere. Our friend was waiting, fortunately, so we got in the car immediately and hit the roads. I knew America was the land of cars but I was still a bit shocked. First of all, the cars are huge, and they are everywhere. As we drove, for what seemed like hours in the awful traffic along this and that expressway, motorway, highway or parkway I wasn't all that impressed, but as we passed by the East River and saw the lights of Manhattan in all their glory I was bought.

We got off the highway into a whole different world. Brooklyn is lovely. Carroll Gardens is a nice quiet neighborhood with beautiful brick buildings, small shops, good restaurants, and friendly people who say hi in the streets. Walking around the city these last few days, I realized New York was like a series of small cozy towns hiding between the streets of the huge metropolis.
Not everything was great though. I managed to get my wallet stolen. I was terribly upset. I didn’t have too much money, but with no money and no Metro Card we had to walk for hours in the weak rain, through some not very representative neighborhoods to get home.
Despite that, I’m very happy that we’re here. We decided to first handle all the formalities and then let go and enjoy ourselves. So far, we finished all of Ivan’s paperwork, and visited most of the schools I’m interested in. Today we’ll brave the rain and finish the rest of the work.
Although we’ve been busy with other things, in the process we still got to walk around Manhattan’s avenues, see the Marathon runners in Central Park, and the flags fluttering at the UN, and go to Williamsburg where walking along one street you move back through time, from the hip artsy neighborhood to the orthodox Jewish community. We sat in Washington square park where a hard core band played and little girls in pink coats happily jumped around. There’s so much to feel and see and do and everywhere it is just bursting with life.
I think I could get used to this.

Intro

Start Spreading the News...
Reluctant Dragon is off to New York. As of this weekend, and for the next two weeks or so, under this heading, you will be able to read all about Ivan’s and my experiences from the big city.
The title is, if I do say so myself, cleverly coined from our surname initials.
This visit is mostly tourism, but also some sort of fact finding mission for great plans that lie in the future – getting the feel of the place and finishing up some business which could eventually take this blog over the Atlantic for a much longer time.
Wish us luck and stay tuned.

... Spilled Milk

Can’t you feel it? How everything is just better now? The two “bright days” of the referendum have sadly passed, but we have a new constitution, and suddenly our problems are all gone, as our big Serbian hearts pump Kosovo through our constitutional bloodstreams.

Yeah Right! “The bright days for Serbia” were ironically, and I would say symbolically stormy, rainy and gloomy. But, hey, what can we do? The constitution is here, we’ll soon see how they (ab)use it. I’m sorry it has been passed. I’m glad that it wasn’t passed as overwhelmingly as I thought it would be. I’m glad they got such a slight majority despite the incessant brainwashing through every medium imaginable. Elections are hopefully coming soon, so at least we’ll have more choice.

I’ve had a lovely weekend, though. I got to do all the things I had planned and more, thanks to daylight savings. I have a busy week ahead. Lots of things to finish up before a welcome break from the country of Serbs and insignificant others.

What to do for the Weekend?

It’s best to stay in bed late on Saturday, and fully recover from Friday night. Sleep or have breakfast in bed, watching reruns of “Enterprise” until it time for lunch. It may be a good time to visit your parents. Then to the gym - there’s no excuse for not exercising just because it’s a weekend. After that you should go home and rest a bit before meeting up with friends at a café. You haven’s seen them in a long time, what with being very busy. Check who is out of Big Brother. Don’t stay up too late. You need the rest.
Wake up fresh, bright and early on Sunday morning. Try to get some autumn sun, if possible, over coffee in the garden of your local café. There aren’t many sunny days left in this year. Go to the market and buy some fresh fruit and vegetables. A long walk on Ada would be great, but if it rains go to the book fair or the October Salon, or just stay at home, cuddled up with someone and watch the rain outside the window. Have dinner at a friend’s house. You can cook together. It’s fun.

Why… that leaves no time for the referendum. Shame. Oh, well, better luck next time.

Abolish the Army

My “soldierly” life continues. I’ve just received my belated first paycheck for services so far rendered to our fatherland, of which Kosovo is an integral part (is the last bit obligatory now?).
Extravagant as I am, I’ve spent it all in a matter of minutes.
The whole 4 Euros and 50 cents of it.
Seriously, are people in civilian service supposed to be in an equal position as those recruits with guns? I was lucky, I keep saying that. But what about those people who have too many obligations in the civil service to continue working? How do you survive for a month in Belgrade on 4 and a half Euros? Any suggestions?
The guys in the regular army at least have a bed and three meals a day. Isn’t this discrimination based on the rejection of violence as a way of life?
Despite this, less and less people choose to do their duty in the actual armed forces.
Why doesn’t the army deal with these problems, one might enquire? Is it because it’s busy defending the “sovereignty and territorial integrity” of our shrinking homeland? No, it’s too busy blowing up small towns in central Serbia.
I’ll spend much of next month on regular leave. At least, they were kind enough to give me a permit to leave the country during that period.

I say abolish the whole thing. Now!

No More Revelations

A woman was walking carelessly across the sunlit Students' square, when a huge chestnut fell from a tree, missing her by just a few centimeters. That could really ruin one’s day. And such a gorgeous day it is. It’s autumn again, and again, winter seems to be nowhere in sight. I’ve rarely been happier to be wrong.

Revelation

One has to accept the inevitable. Winter is on its way.
It was today when I stepped into my pleasantly warm office and realized that the central heating has been turned on, that it dawned on me why I felt so cold this morning when I left my house in a thin autumn jacket. It’s time to unpack those winter clothes.
It won’t be long before those awful “what to do for New Year’s” conversations start.

Pain in the Blog 5

New and improved Reluctant Dragon from now in Beta!

Whatever that means…

The transition of my blog into the new format has been very smooth. Thank you to Blogger for making some things more user-friendly. I’m also grateful for labels of posts. That always seemed like a logical development.

Off course, as they say in Serbia “There’s no pleasing the people”, so we get to the nitpicking part. The choices in modifying one’s template are still very limited, so if you want more you still have to deal with html. I would like to play with the visual side of the blog and though common sense has made it possible for me to perform basic adjustments in html, I’m afraid the badly needed makeover will have to wait until I have time to be bothered with it.

Let Me Elaborate

Looking through a few of my previous posts, a comment by BgAnon (to whom I apologize for regularly failing to answer his comments and questions) compelled me to elaborate on some of my views.

I may come across as a grumpy young man, but I am an optimist, a cautious and critical one, but an optimist nevertheless. I think that if you want good things to happen you have to believe in them.

And I am, on a personal level, very content and happy. I’m in a loving relationship, I have friends and family, I have a good, relatively well paid job. But on a more general level, I do think that Serbia is becoming a darker and more sinister place. I am certain this course is not irreversible, but I sincerely feel it as such under my skin.

The new constitution which is being imposed upon this country has certainly left us all in the dark. The few bits that have surfaced have sadly shed little positive light on the matter. The hastily constructed document, pushed forward for all the wrong reasons defines a nationalistic centralized state and will eventually bring us into conflict with either the world or ourselves, or both.

There has been progress in recent years. That cannot be denied. Economic development is in part the reason why people like me can be content on a personal level. But I think all of this is mostly cosmetic. Sure we can eat in fine restaurants and shop at Zara, but on a more substantial level we haven’t moved far from the 90s, which, in my view, having in mind the opportunities that we’ve had is equivalent to going backwards.

Serbia, with some exceptions, is a corrupt, conservative, right-wing state pushing its agenda through tasteless promotion of religion, Cyrillic letters and crowned emblems.

A rare opportunity to create a modern state has been missed.

Fear of Embassies

Embassies make me queasy. It’s like going to the dentist. One expects something bad.
I’ve traveled. Not as much as I wanted to, but quite above average for a Serb my age. The pages of my passports (current and expired) are graced with holographic stickers of European stars and numerous stamps of cars, trains, airplanes from various border crossings.
Still every time I head for a consular office of a foreign country, the inherent Serbian fear of embassies kicks in and I become nervous and insecure. But can we really be blamed? It is a fear of humiliation and inferiority, it is an aversion to bullying guards and grumpy clerks, it is an intolerance of bureaucracy. The bottom line is – it is a fear of captivity.
I’ve never been denied a visa. I always have good reasons to travel and all the paperwork. But that is one of the things that bug me. Do you really need a GOOD reason? Isn’t wanting to go somewhere reason enough?
Well I can’t change the system, but I can overcome my fear. It’s a slow step by step process. Another visa, another stamp and a step closer to peace of mind.

Little Apple

Have you ever been given an entire city?

Sunday was Ivan’s and mine second anniversary. He made me a model of New York City as a sign of things that might be in the future

This future is still a long way away but things have started to develop. A lot of hard work is ahead, a lot of nerves will be lost.

In the meantime we have the gently swaying transparent buildings of an imaginary Brooklyn.

We sit on a sofa in our little red apartment careless and relaxed like in the original photograph from a seaside vacation.

Oh, Brother!

Globalization can be slow but it’s unavoidable. Big Brother has finally turned his eye on Serbia. Unlike many people I know I don’t see this as the end of civilization as we know it. Sure it’s somewhat mindless but it’s harmless and at times entertaining.

After the BB rehearsal – the unappealing introduction into the world of reality shows, which was a bit too real, reminding us of where we live and of all that is wrong with this country, the real thing is here, and it’s surprisingly decent.

What we could have learnt from the trial period is that Serbia seems rather superficial in selecting the only two decent looking people to go through to the actual show. But the one thing that really stands out, in my view at least, is the disproportional amount of attention on homosexuality. It is a topic in every episode, in conversations, on forums and in newspaper articles. After the appearance and later elimination from the rehearsal show of the first openly gay character on Serbian TV, we now see inklings of a debate or at least acknowledgement of an issue that is absolute taboo in our society.

Whether this was deliberately done to draw attention or not, I think it’s a good thing. It brings the problem into the homes of regular people, especially now that B92’s ratings have grown to levels they could only wish for with more intelligent programming.

I’m sure real surprises are yet to come. Personally I think it would be wonderful if Ivan and Marko hooked up. I’d enjoy it on both a symbolic and a personal level, but it’s not likely to happen. The good thing is that the first person to leave the house was kicked out by the housemates for being too intolerant to gay people. Hopefully some of what we saw on this surreal “reality” show will spread into our real reality.

911

It’s amazing how extraordinary events can make you remember completely insignificant details and forever embed an otherwise ordinary day into your memory.

I remember a cloudy September afternoon in Belgrade half a decade ago. Serbia was still enthusiastic and energetic less than a year after its conversion to democracy. Bitef, the theatre festival, was about to start, like every September, and after work (on the first serious job I ever had) I met up with a friend at a café in Kosovska Street to browse through the program and decide which plays to see. We made our choices and made our way in the weak rain to buy tickets. The ticket office was closed so I went home.

At home I found my transfixed family staring at the television and the surreal scenes from New York. I spend the rest of the day and night skipping from channel to channel in horror and morbid fascination, dreading the third world war which I thought would follow.

So what has changed five Septembers later? No WW3 for now, but, we live in a world which seems a little scarier and less safe. Maybe it is the same, only we are a bit more paranoid. I do feel, however that the world turned darker, more extreme, more repressive. Serbia turned darker too.

I have the disconcerting feeling that no lesson has been learnt from this terrible tragedy. Terrorism is no closer to being eradicated. Nothing has been done to address and prevent the reasons for its appearance. In the “democratic” world 9.11 has become yet another abused legacy of innocent victims - an excuse for human rights abuse and deepening prejudice.