The Patriotic Youth of Serbia Wears Prada

Many of us, Serbs, stranded, here on hostile territory, have spent many a sleepless night wondering how best to contribute to the dignified struggle that our fellow countrymen and women have begun. Fortunately, our magnificent and considerate government has through its consular representatives granted us just such an opportunity. Although the ambassador has been withdrawn to solemnly pray for Kosovo in St. Sava Cathedral, the beheaded consulate still manages to perform its duties splendidly and has sent every Serbian man, woman and child in the US an open e-mail containing an invitation to a protest gathering as well as the e-mail addresses of every other man, woman and child in the US. It may be spam, but it’s our spam.

The location of this glorious gathering is a bit unclear to me. Not much to burn and pillage around the UN building. The UN itself is our friend and guardian of international law. Still, this is New York, so I’m sure there is a Starbucks, that sworn enemy of Serbhood, not more than a corner away. Nevertheless I should go beforehand and check out the shops in the vicinity, so that like my compatriots in Belgrade, I can express my affinity to law, justice and freedom and outrage over the policy of force by looting me some new goodies. It’s a shame they didn’t organize the protest in Soho, much nicer stores there. Still I hope I’ll find at least an Urban Outfitters somewhere.

The only remaining dilemma, both for me and other patriots at home is how do we then live with ourselves for wearing these imperialistic brands? In fact, how do I live here at all if I am to boycott enemy products? Oh, never mind, it’s all made in friendly China anyway.